How do you raise that strong willed child without losing the plot?

Some kids are a breeze to raise while others are not so easy.  Its true that happy and secure children flourish in their development and that no two children are alike.    The key is to equip yourself with some insight and understanding of the tactics they use in order to get their own way.

What makes them so difficult?

In an excerpt from, ‘Power Games With Strong Willed Children’, Dr Dobson explains the manipulative tactics those strong willed children use to get their own way.

“The desire for control appears to have its roots in the very early hours after birth.  Studies of newborns indicate that they typically “reach” for the adults around them on the first or second day of life.  By that I mean they behave in ways designed to entice their guardians to meet their needs.  Some will perfect the technique in the years that follow.

Even mature adults who ought to know better are usually involved in power games with other people.  It happens whenever human interests collide, but it is especially prevalent in families.  Husbands, wives, children, siblings, in-laws and parents all have reason to manipulate each other.  It is fascinating to sit back and watch them push, pull and twist.  In fact, I’ve identified sixteen techniques that are used to obtain power in another person’s life.

Perhaps you will think of additional approaches as you read the list that follows:

1.  Emotional Blackmail: “Do what I want or I’ll get very angry and go all to pieces.”

2.  The Guilt Trip: “How could you do this to me after I’ve done so much for you?”

3.  Divine Revelation: “God told me you should do what I want.”

4.  The Foreclosure: “Do what I want or I won’t pay the bills.”

5.  The Bribe: “Do what I want and I’ll make it worth your time.”

6.  By Might and by Power: “Shut up and do what I tell you!”

7.  The Humiliation: “Do what I want or I’ll embarrass you at home and abroad.”

8.  The Eternal Illness: “Don’t upset me.  Can’t you see I’m sick?”

9.  Help from Beyond the Grave: “Your dear father (or mother) would have agreed with me.”

10. The Adulterous Threat: “Do what I want or I’ll find someone who will.”

11. The In-law Ploy: “Do what I want and I’ll be nice to your sweet mother.”

12. The Seduction: “I’ll make you an offer you can’t afford to refuse,” or as Mae West said to Cary Grant, “Why doncha come up and see me some time?”  She also said she used to be Snow White but she drifted.

Special approaches used by adolescents:

13. Teenage Terror: “Leave me alone or I’ll pull a stupid adolescent stunt” (suicide, drugs, booze, wrecking the car or hitch-hiking to San Francisco).

14. The Flunkout: “Let me do what I want or I’ll get myself booted out of Woodrow Wilson Junior High School.”

15. Fertile Follies: “Do what I want or I’ll present you with a baby!” (This threat short-circuits every nerve in Parent’s body.)

16. The Tranquilizer: “Do what I want and I won’t further complicate your stressful life.”

Dr Dobson goes on to say that this is all manipulation.

Sources:

Dr James Dobson: http://www.drjamesdobson.org/blogs/dr-dobson-blog/dr-dobson-blog/2015/03/16/power-games-with-strong-willed-children

Image courtesy of: www.freedigitalimaging.net /Clare Bloomfield