The Silent Suffering Of Men in Abusive Relationships

We don’t often talk about men being abused by women that are enduring relationships with controlling, belittling, insulting, manipulative, angry, physically and verbally abusive women on a daily basis. Men are less likely to report being the victim of domestic violence fearing that they might be seen as wimps or cowards.

The abuse of men can also come in the form parental alienation where women withhold the children from seeing their father. But that’s entirely a different topic.

The  abusive and often violent home environment isn’t good for anyone’s mental health. Especially in cases where children are involved. Not only can the children be traumatised by abuse and domestic violence, but they also can learn these unacceptable behaviours to adopt them as their own.

Why are some women so abusive?
According to the World Health Organisation women are two times more likely than men to develop mental health issues like eating disorders, depression and panic disorders. Women also feel more physical symptoms associated with mental health problems causing fatigue, restlessness, nausea, headaches and loss of appetite. Quite often these experiences can stem from hormonal related issues.

Wives pray for your husband and husbands pray for your wife. Love is a choice.
“When I pray for another person, I am praying for God to open my eyes so that I can see that person as God does, and then enter into the stream of love that God already directs toward that person.” – Philip Yancey

The bible tells us clearly what love is and isn’t
“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Running from our problems in self-preservation is harmful to ourselves and to those around us.
Facing our own weaknesses can be life changing if we are willing to step out of our comfort zones to seek help.  There are actions we can take  such as talking to a pastor, talking to your family doctor or a friend.  Don’t hesitate on calling 000 when there are lives in danger.

“When hints of sadness creep into our soul, we must not flee into happy or distracting thoughts. Pondering the sadness until it becomes overwhelming can lead us to deep change in the direction of our being from self-preservation to grateful worship.” Larry Crabb

Seeking Help
Abusive women need to seek help in order to overcome their psychological and emotional problems. Mental health issues can keep people from being happy. Bitterness is also very difficult  for anyone to live with. Talking to a counsellor can help get to the heart of the matter.

Men also need to set boundaries
“When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their lonesomeness, their disorganisation, or their financial irresponsibility. Whatever it is, they will feel a loss. If you love them, this will be difficult for you to watch. But, when you are dealing with someone who is hurting, remember that your boundaries are both necessary for you and helpful for them. If you have been enabling them to be irresponsible, your limit setting may nudge them toward responsibility. “ Henry Cloud

“I wouldn’t be surprised if many marriages end in divorce largely because one or both partners are running from their own revealed weaknesses as much as they are running from something they can’t tolerate in their spouse. “ Gary L. Thomas

MensLine Australia, offers advice for those who would like to help men who are going through family and Domestic violence.

Renew your mind. Read Romans 12

Sandra Ciminelli
Cred. Dip.Couns.(Christian)

Sources
Why do men stay in abusive relationships by Barrington H. Brennan
MensLine Australia – Working with men experiencing abuse in their relationship.
Quotes – www.azquotes.com

Study at aifc
Study the CHC51015 Diploma of Counselling at aifc to equip yourself with skills for supporting others who have nobody to turn to.