Tell me, RUOK? Are you really Okay?

Facebook is a great place to get messages across, sign petitions, advocate for causes, and educate people. Last night I saw this picture that said “I would get a lot more sleep if I didn’t try to read the entire internet before bed” – and I am like “yup, that’s me!”

A lot of us want to make a difference, we want to be heard, be that unique black sheep – though instead of being shunned, we are praised and validated.

So it was “R U OK?” Day last year and Facebook has been bombarding my newsfeed with posts, pictures, and articles about mental health and asking people if they are OK.

This was great!  So many people would be helped from it!

Just yesterday, I saw a post that really hit me as personal, so I shared it. Soon after I received a message from a beautiful friend who has gone through a really rough time over the last 12 months, and apart from Facebook, we hadn’t really caught up with each other. My friend said she loved the post and saw it as a sign. So I replied with “how are you going?” to which she replied, “Not too good at the moment actually”. So I asked if she was free for a chat, explained I had an appointment in 45 minutes but I could chat for that time. Then she said, “Oh, lol it’s ok, you probably have something to catch up on!”

So here, I had a choice. Do I push for the chat, or do I accept that she is ok? I decided to push and we had the best catch up where we both finished on a high.

Now, over the last month of seeing all the posts and education about mental health, I thought “this is great, finally we are getting somewhere with getting rid of the stigma”. Then I had a question, how many of us are genuinely asking others if they are ok? With my friend, I could have easily accepted her answer that she was ok and didn’t need to chat. There is always something I “needed” to do; I had done my duty to ask “R U OK?” after all.

Though I pushed and came out greatly blessed by hearing my friend’s voice and she sounded a lot happier at the end as well.

Are we really dealing with the stigma when we share these posts, or are we doing it out of obligation because we feel guilty about not sharing? Are we genuinely asking people if they are ok, following through with listening to why or why not?

I think we have covered the surface level of the stigma, we are happy to discuss it at a surface level place, but it is time to go deeper.

What I have found really helpful in challenging this issue for myself personally is to consider why I find it confronting? Is it because I have no idea what I would say? Am I just feeling too tired at the moment?

Once I recognise what is stopping me, it makes it a lot easier to take up the challenge and not just ask “R U OK?” but to ask “No really, I want to know, R U OK?”

Sources:

Jessica Mannion
Cred. Grad. Cert. in Family Therapy, Grad Member CCAA, Provisional Member PACFA – 22436