Christian Singleness & Loneliness Within The Church

Christian singleness and loneliness are two different topics. There are many content singles within the church who may feel lonely from time to time but they’re not overcome by feelings of loneliness. Loneliness is a massive issue within the church affecting members of congregations across the vast number of denominations, in just about every country. Experiencing loneliness can feel like loss of hope that can sink into depression zapping the zest for life and placing doubt in the minds of those who entertain it.

Drawing on an example in the bible – Eve faced a similar situation leading to the fall of man in the garden of Eden by being completely focused on that which she couldn’t have. Her desire (temptation) overtook her common sense and better judgement. She didn’t even stop to quiz God who walked in the garden and went into denial. Throwing caution in the wind, she just jumped right in despite the warning from God. Failing to take stock of her blessings she succeeded only in opening the door to evil and distancing herself, Adam, her family and the generations to come from God.

I’m not going to harp on about the benefits of being single. However, we can use the time we have to focus on personal development and spiritual growth, blessing others and really getting into God’s presence for direction and purpose in our lives. 

The missing piece – Humans are hardwired for pairing up with a companion, based on the biblical account of God creating Eve as a companion and a helper to Adam in the book of Genesis. Feeling that something is missing is perfectly natural. Although focussing on being alone too much is where we can become vulnerable. Entertaining unhealthy negative thoughts can lead to consuming feelings of despair that can hang over us like a shadow, spurring on feelings of purposeless and of being abandoned or emotionally disconnected and shut out by others.

In the video below, Dr Charles Stanley says that there is hope as he addresses the topic of ‘Loneliness.’

Living In The Shadows Of Loneliness

Using Gratitude – A thankful heart has been described as a way to combat loneliness.  A difficult thing to do after a relationship break up or divorce when we lose the security of everything we know. We can be assured that God will never leave us and the new free time can be used to allow God to console us through our difficult times, leading us in ways we have never known before.  NCBI reports of studies that show there is a relationship between loneliness and the attitude of gratitude.

9 Isaiah 42:16
”I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.”

It takes self discipline to stay focused 
It’s been said that we become what we focus on. Focusing on fears will make us fearful. Tennis champion Venus Williams has been quoted as saying, “I don’t focus on what I’m up against, I focus on my goals and try to forget the rest.”  To champion your faith and get through the loneliness we need to stay focused on Jesus.

Loneliness is fear based and brings about a feeling of disconnection and isolation, having an impact on our mental, spiritual walk and social wellbeing. Staying busy can help by placing the focus outside of ourselves and by enabling us to live with purpose. Having purpose is a key factor in reducing feelings of loneliness.

9 Activity Ideas

1. Take up a team sport
2. Volunteer your time to a charity, your church or other
3. Start a new hobby. E.g.  Grow plants or start a collection of things you like and join a group of like minded people
4. Go to the movies – ask others out to join you at the movies
5. Focus on self development – learn new things
6. Buy a pet or two – animal friends make great companions
7. Find/create a social group within the church
8. Go bike riding by yourself or with a group of people
9. Invest in making new friends – join a social network of people residing within your local area

Gaining a better understanding of ourselves and others

To better understand ourselves it helps to analyse our thought processes for an inside look at what’s going on within. Receiving counselling from a trained and qualified listener can provide insights, allowing us to explore deeper into our own mindset, values and core beliefs.

Want to help single people overcome their loneliness? 

Learn to confidently provide spiritual, emotional and mental health support to others by gaining counselling skills. Equip yourself to address the myriad of issues vast amounts of people face daily. Study our accredited and contextualised counselling courses that won’t contradict the bible. The CHC51015 Diploma of Counselling provides church leaders, clergy and all Christians over 18 years of age with counselling skills and ethical boundaries. Book a face to face information session, download the course guide and enrol online.

Sandra Ciminelli
Cred.Dip Couns (Christian)

Sources:

• The Bible Gateway
• NCBI – The Relationship Between Gratitude and Loneliness: The Potential Benefits of Gratitude for Promoting Social Bonds
• In Touch Ministries – Dr Charles Stanley – YouTube Channel