How Some Relationships Grow Cold

According to the Australian Psychological Society (APS), couples who enter into a lifelong committed relationship will often face challenges that can overwhelm them at times.  More often than not, couples work together to overcome these obstacles with the ability to move forward.

Conflict in Relationships

There are times when the problems couples experience can leave each person feeling frustrated, hurt, alone and unable to get to that place where they’re able to move forward.  At this point arguments may surface repeatedly as if playing on a loop, usually leading to the same ending and the same result each and every time.  This feeling of being stuck with no resolve can lead to one or both partners wanting to quit the relationship.

In a Nutshell, How did we get here?

In some cases people end relationships because they felt alone or the other person was too difficult to live with, or they felt that love wasn’t reciprocated.  It’s not surprising that relationships end when the friendship between the couple isn’t nurtured.  The short list below gives some examples of how relationships can grow cold.

Neglect – Not spending enough time together, ignoring the friendship and lack of communication are all contributing factors to growing apart in a relationship.

Fighting – Those that always fight will find it difficult to remain friends.  Criticisms and name calling breed anger and show a lack of respect for one another.  The build-up of resentment can lead to more fighting. The fighting can be over a number of things. Lack of finances and fighting over children are on top of the list.

No Compassion – The unwillingness to understand the other person can make the other partner feel anxious, depressed and alone.

Differences – Not understanding, poor management of differences or lack of tolerance for each other’s differences.

Withdrawing affection – a form of punishment by removal of affection that makes the other partner feel lonely and unloved.

Hard Times – Losing a job, a baby, fire, drought or the death of a sibling or parent can be too much for a person to cope with alone.  Being there to help your partner through these difficult times can be extremely helpful.

What can we do to mend a stuck relationship?

Recognising the problem is the first step towards resolving it. If you have the desire to save your relationship the second step is to get help. Research shows that only a small percentage of couples seek help with relationship problems while divorce rates are pretty high.

When these problems continue to snowball or seem to be deadlocked with no solution in sight, seeing a counsellor for support can be helpful. There’s no promise of a solution because all couples are different as are their relationships. Keep in mind that a professional counsellor is a trained listener who doesn’t take sides.

For the relationship to come unstuck both partners would benefit from counselling for the reason of mending the friendship between the couple. For seeing results we need to keep in mind that it takes two willing persons who are committed to making the relationship work. If your partner is reluctant to seek professional help, then it would be very beneficial to seek emotional support for yourself.

Supportive bible verses to help you pray for your spouse 

Mark 11:24 – “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

Philippians 4:6  – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

Matthew 7:7 – “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

Isaiah 34:16 – “Seek and read from the book of the LORD: Not one of these shall be missing; none shall be without her mate. For the mouth of the LORD has commanded, and his Spirit has gathered them.”

Sandra Ciminelli
Cred. Dip. Couns. (Christian)

Sources

The bible Gateway

Australian Psychological Society