Teaching Logic, Ownership, Sharing & Boundaries

The words, “no” and “mine” were among our daughter’s first few words. When she was little, everything that appealed to her instantly became her property. Well in her mind at least.

Teaching The Logic Of Ownership, Sharing & Boundaries

Teaching a tiny tot the differences between mine, yours and ours wasn’t too difficult as much as it was repetitive. From the time we’re born we are eager learners. Boundaries need to be taught to toddlers with a lot of patience, repetitive practice and positive reinforcement as they grow to develop logic over a period of time.

Growing Up And Learning

Once our daughter had learned about individual property ownership, she began to ask if every item we purchased belonged to her. Up until the moment when she was able to work it out for herself, we’d see a wide eyed girl asking “is this for me?” Responding with a “yes it’s yours” was a pleasure. The happy dances and excitement were like Christmas. However responses like “that belongs to dad” or “no that jumper is mine” would put a small frown on her face if not followed by a logical explanation like, “your dad needs his power tool for work.” or “mum’s jumper won’t fit you properly.”

There were many times when logic didn’t work. She didn’t understand or refused to. However with constant repetition the logic eventually became her own.

Sharing Is Caring

Regardless of our child’s ability to accept boundaries she wasn’t thrilled about sharing her toys until it made sense to her that other kids can’t keep her toys unless she gifted them or they’d be stealing. As part of her training about sharing, I’d ask questions like, “do you like it when I share my drink with you?” She would respond with, “yes” and then I’d point out that people feel just as good inside when she shares her toys with them.

Sharing is at the heart of all social behaviour; more often than not sharing comes with the added expectation of having the things we value to be treated with great care. This lesson was best taught during those prescious moments when something of great value was shown to me. More often than not, the thing of value was a new toy.

What worked after many repititions – I asked to hold the toy for a little bit just to have a look and promised to give it back.  I gave it back saying something like, “What a beaut new toy. Thanks for trusting me.”

Snatching and Logic

When my daughter was just three and a half years old her beloved pink pram was snatched right out her hands by the visiting younger male cousin on a play date. I laughed at sight of the bewildered look she gave her cousin as if to say, “why did you do that?” Shrugging and showing me her hands she asked angrily, “He doesn’t know that’s mine yet, does he mum?” I responded with, “No he doesn’t.” and “I’m sorry I laughed, you’re a very clever girl. I’ll talk to him.”  The words bought some comfort to her frustration.

As adults and role models for future generations we also need to respect boundaries and use them wisely, hold people’s feelings in high regard and look after the items entrusted to us.

Sandra Ciminelli
Cred.Dip.Cous.(Christian)

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