Reconnecting Absent Fathers With Their Children

There are ever increasing statistics of couples going through separation or divorce in Australia and globally which can have an emotionally huge impact on all children but especially the adult children who are caught in the middle of the break up.

We were created to be born into families of mums and dads who support one another.  Marriage is supposed to be, ‘Till death do us part’.  Some kids grow up in one parent families. There’s been a radical change in society where some mothers prefer the single mother status to raise children on their own without the father. When dads aren’t around it can cause insecurity resulting in all sorts of scattered thinking and childlike rationalisations to self sooth and mentally sort out the confusion of many unanswered questions.  However, some kids are more resilient and are able to work it out for themselves.

Paul Meier, M.D explains 

“Every newborn baby needs the love of a mother and of a father, and later—for meaning in life and the enjoyment of life—needs to learn to love herself and to have a personal relationship with the Creator. If the father is missing from that equation—due to death, divorce, workaholism, separation, or just an inability to love correctly—then logically certain developments of personality will be altered unless father substitutes can make up for it.”

There are many ways that Absent fathers can reconnect with their children.

1. Clearly communicate with the child’s mother.  Civil communication with the mother about wanting to see your child can take place to request a return back into the child’s life.
2. Learn about your child and don’t just step into the father role particularly if you’ve been absent for a long time. Take time to learn about your child’s likes and dislikes.
3. Pick a safe environment to meet your child particularly if you’ve become a ‘stranger’.
4. Find out your child’s love language and communicate love and acceptance to them using it.
5. Ease in slowly and don’t try to change your child’s habits and rituals. Keep in mind that she’s been running the show for a while and your child’s routines and the mother’s time frames need to be respected.
6. Be consistent, be predictable and show stability.  Keep your promises and develop trust. Take it slowly; avoid introducing the new girlfriend too soon.

All Children need fathers in their lives and fathers need to take responsibility in keeping good relationship with the mother where possible that makes the lives of their children better.

Permission –  Paul Meier M.D. Original Post – The Father Void

Where to Get Help

Talk to your doctor who can point you in the right direction.

Visit CCAA to search for a Christian counsellor near you.

Visit ACA to search for a counsellor near you.

Free 24/7 Counselling Services

Lifeline on 13 11 14

Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800

MensLine Australia on 1300 789 978

Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467

Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36

Headspace on 1800 650 890

Studying at aifc

Have you thought about counselling?   It’s a great opportunity to learn how you can extend God’s love and grace to the hurting out in the community.

For those who would like to enrol in aifc’s accredited Christian counselling courses we have two intakes per year for courses commencing around the following months:

• At The beginning of each year in February.
• Mid-Year courses commence in July.

Enrolments open approximately 3 months prior the courses commencing. Enquire now and fill out the form with your details to receive course information by email.

Note: A Masters course in Christian counselling will be introduced in 2018.

Contact aifc Monday to Friday from 9am – 5pm with your enquiries on 6242 5111 or toll free on 1300 721 397