Look After Yourself & Say ‘No’ Confidently

Most of us want to be helpful to others, but being that person who everyone calls on for help can be exhausting.   Our first and foremost responsibility is to ourselves. By taking care of our own health we become enabled to help others. Our inability to say, “no” can have dire consequences on our mental and physical health and even on our spiritual lives, which is exactly why we need to learn to say, “no” without guilt.

The Consequences Of Over Doing It

Christians helping out in church can experience burn out if we aren’t careful.   Burnout is more than simply being tired or exhausted and has been described as emotional exhaustion related to overload.  It is a disabling condition leaving a person unable to function and usually where they might withdraw from others and experience changes to motivation or sense of purpose.

Archibald Hart described burnout as, “A body system exhausted by overwork, pushed beyond reasonable endurance, and depleted of resources could become burned out.  But burnout can also be reached by roads quite different from those of stress and depression.”

Six Reasons To Say No

Be honest and realistic with yourself when asked to do a task. It’s ok to say no if any of the following apply.

1. When it glorifies you – Jesus didn’t perform miracles on demand because that would not have glorified God. Matthew 16:1-4
2. When it’s not within your gifting or calling – Be clear and gracious when declining a task not to your calling. Pray for someone to fill that spot.
3. When you’re over-committed – Over stretching ourselves is a sure way to experience burnout. Remember, God is Omnipresent – We can only be at one place at one time.
4. Family Time – Sometimes our family members need to spend time with us when we’ve been busy doing activities away from them.  Family members are our first ministry.  Make time for family.
5. When you need rest – Jesus retreated from the large crowds after feeding the five thousand for his disciples to rest. Mark 6:30-31
6. When what you’re asked to do is going against God – If it’s not biblical, is sinful in nature or Immoral and goes against God we can most definitely decline.

Learn to Prioritise

Some things can wait while others are of a more urgent nature.  Pointing to the need for Christians to get our priorities right, Charles Spurgeon once said, “Learn to say no; It will be more useful to you than being able to read Latin.”

Urgent requests are the most difficult to refuse.  But they too require leadership skills and sensitivity. In the words General Eisenhower repeatedly told his soldiers, “The more important an item, the less likely that it is urgent; the more urgent an item, the less likely that it is important.” 

We have to be able to tell the difference knowing for sure if situations are truly urgent or if they can wait.  People can make the biggest fuss over things that aren’t necessarily a priority.

Using Don’t 

On her post for Mental Floss, Shaunacy Ferro highlighted some advice about getting better at saying, “no” by choosing our words more carefully.  Using the words, “I don’t” rather than using, “I can’t” is a more effective and assertive way to say no.  For example, “I can’t do that job on Saturday night because…..”  As opposed to, “Sorry, I don’t work Saturday nights”. Whether you’re talking to yourself or to someone else, Shaunacy stated that ‘cant’ suggests that you might want to but are unable, which implicates that you might be able to in another set of circumstances.  With the “I don’t” statement there’s no room for argument or debate.

When To Say Yes

God sometimes calls us to stretch when we least expect it.  We must also be ready to say “yes” to God which might mean sacrificing our own schedules.  We all have gifts to exercise and use for His purpose in our ministry.  Pray about everything.

Sources

Pastor Resources

Bible Gateway

Christianity Today

Mental Floss

Where to Get Help in Australia

Talk to your doctor who can point you in the right direction.

Visit CCAA to search for a Christian counsellor near you.

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