STEP PARENTING – Establishing The Right Foundation

According to Relationships Australia, step families are different and complex.  They say that it can take some time before strong family relationships will form, as it is highly unlikely that the children and the step parent will instantly love each other.

Being in a blended family can be rewarding if the parties involved are committed to making it work.  The primary focus should remain on the development and well-being of the kids involved with the inclusion of regular open communication between the adults.

Understanding the Role of a Step Parent

The role of a step parent is not one of ‘stepping in’ and replacing the other parent. But it’s rather one in support of the new spouse in his or her parenting role.

For children to accept the new step-parent is a learning process that should not be hurried.  The general misconception is that everyone will bond quickly but it does take some quite some time, even years.

Establishing a Foundation Of Trust

According to Focus on the Family a stepparent can develop warm and friendly relationship with the step child.  Respect and affection has to be established first to win the child over.  It’s important not to rush in and to allow the child to set the pace.

• Taking part in family activities is preferable at the beginning rather than one-on-one activities with the step child.
• Keep a close eye on the relationship while maintaining a non-threatening distance.
• Encourage your spouse to spend alone time with his/her kids.
• Once the bond is established with the child, one-on-one activities can take place.
• Learn about the child’s likes and dislikes, interests and talents.
• Monitor the child’s daily activities and get to know their routines.  Homework, daily chores, where they are and who their friends are.

What Not To Do

• An attempt to take any disciplinary action against the child before a bond is formed and foundation of trust is established will just bring about resentment from the child.  Becoming the disciplinarian shouldn’t be rushed.
• Emotional closeness may not be welcomed by the child.
• Never talk about their biological parents in a bad way.

Matthew 19:14

“..But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” 

If you need to talk about step-parenting with a counsellor search for one near you.

Christian Counsellor Search: http://www.ccaa.net.au/index.php?option=com_storelocator&view=map&Itemid=134

Registered Counsellor Search: www.theaca.net.au

24 Hour Emergency Counselling Services

Lifeline on 13 11 14

Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800

Men’s Line Australia on 1300 789 978

Sources:

Step Parenting It Takes Two by Ron Deal –  Focus on the Family

Relationships Australia –  http://www.relationships.org.au/relationship-advice/relationship-advice-topics/second-chances-remarriage-and-repartnering/stepfamilies-are-different

Image courtesy of: www.freedigitalphotos.net /ambro