Tips for Loving Yourself After A Relationship Break Up

Married couples enter relationships hoping it will last a lifetime.  We work hard at establishing a genuine connection built on trust and unconditional love. Then suddenly it happens, he or she announces that they’re leaving and we just don’t know why or what we’ve done wrong. Feelings of powerlessness and rejection begin to overwhelm us with a flood of emotions and questions that need answering.

Contrary to popular belief we aren’t totally powerless.  We can love ourselves through our sadness for a quicker recovery as we process the breakup.

The Grieving

Relationships coming to end can feel like the unexpected and sudden death of a loved one.  However, feelings of grief and loss can be intense even in an amicable separation.

You’re Not a Failure

When that love and trust is violated, a person on the receiving end can internalise the many negative messages going through their minds. Regardless of our circumstances, love yourself; be aware that this is one of the most important steps you can take towards healing amongst many others.

While it’s OK to mourn the end of a relationship, thinking of ourselves as failures is damaging to our mental health and self-esteem.  You’re not a failure. This is wrong thinking that can have long term effects on your future relationships.

Give yourself time out to think clearly.  Do not try to block out your feelings.  If you’re grieving, allow yourself go through the process enabling you to come to a true healing.

Meditate, pray and bring peace into your situation. Sometimes we can feel like God has let us down and we can become angry with God.  Remember that people have the freedom to make their own decisions.

Keep yourself busy doing things you love. Find close friends and family to talk to.

Use your experiences to learn from and move onward and forward.

Understand that it’s not wrong to cry or feel.  We are emotional beings and those emotions serve to help us through situations as we are constantly growing and changing.

Spend time talking to your children if you have any as they too can go through a grieving process. The older ones feel it too and even adults can feel hurt when their parents break up.

When kids are caught in the middle we hurt for the kids thinking what will become of their lives because of the breakup.  Kids are pretty resilient and if we give them the tools to cope they can come out of it on top.

If your feelings are all over the place, start a diary to journal those feelings. They can help you fully understand where you’re at and the notes can come handy for future help if needed.

Consider seeing a counsellor to help you through the process if you feel stuck in sadness. They’re non-judgemental listeners who have compassion and understanding.

Aifc Admin

Sources:

Laura Yates – How to love yourself after a breakup

Where to Find Help

Talk to your doctor who can point you in the right direction.

Visit CCAA to search for a Christian counsellor near you.

Visit ACA to search for a counsellor near you.

Free 24/7 Counselling Services

Lifeline on 13 11 14

Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800

MensLine Australia on 1300 789 978

Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467

Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36

Headspace on 1800 650 890

Studying at aifc

Have you thought about counselling?   It’s a great opportunity to learn how you can extend God’s love and grace to the hurting out in the community.

For those who would like to enrol in aifc’s accredited Christian counselling courses we have two intakes per year for courses commencing around the following months:

At The beginning of each year in February.

Mid-Year courses commence in July.

Enrolments open approximately 3 months prior the courses commencing. Enquire now and fill out the form with your details to receive course information by email.

Note: A Masters course in Christian counselling will be introduced in 2018.

Contact aifc Monday to Friday from 9am – 5pm with your enquiries on 6242 5111 or toll free on 1300 721 397