Is Your Emotional Support Person A Narcissist?

It’s only natural that we look for strength in others when we’re feeling down.  Most of us confide in our friends when going through difficult times.  But what if the person offering advice and emotional support is a manipulative narcissist who enjoys using others to their advantage?  How can we tell?

What is Narcissism?

Narcissism is a personality disorder and a mental health issue, often thought to be caused by childhood trauma.  Narcissism can also runs in families genetically, or as learned behaviour. The narcissist takes advantage of those who they think can be easily manipulated for their own personal gain.  They will use others like what has been described by many as their, ‘flying monkeys’ (whether on side or manipulated) to do their dirty work.

Criteria For Diagnosing Narcissistic Personality Disorder in DSM-5 (a handbook mental health professionals use)

• An exaggerated sense of self-importance.
• Fantasies of great success, power, attractiveness or intelligence.
• Believing themselves to be special, and only able to be understood by others who are also special.
• An increased sense of entitlement.
• A need for constant admiration or attention.
• Taking advantage of others, envying others, or believing others envy them.
• Arrogance or haughtiness.
• A lack of empathy.

Find out more in aifc’s blog titled, “Do You know Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Coping with Emotions

Blocking our feelings, retaliating and reacting to real or perceived injustices isn’t the road to inner strength. Learning to be resilient and assertive without being excessive is one of the main strengths of the emotionally mature person.

How Counselling Helps

Learning to become emotionally mature is the reason why many people obtain counselling therapy. It’s great for venting to someone who won’t teach you their “inadequate” coping mechanisms. This is one of the reasons to unload in a counselling session to a person who won’t judge you for feeling the way you do. Your feelings are very real to you, but as for the person who made you feel that way, they might not even know, remember or care. Your responsibility is to yourself so that you can function and lead from a place of clarity, stability and peace of mind.

Sure revenge can make us feel good temporarily,  but it has no real value in teaching us resilience (the capacity to get over things quickly) and true inner strength that results in peace. Our emotions are a good indicator that we are out of peace and serves as a warning that something is not right.

I often watch other people caning themselves over what other people say and do.  They tell their friends who tell their friends and so on.  We can’t control the world, but we can certainly control ourselves and it takes knowledge, courage, understanding and the desire to grow beyond feelings with the right kind of support.

Our own emotional maturity depends on our ability to work through our pain in love and truth that works by setting pattern for personal growth.  Our mental health is ultimately our own responsibility.  There’s nothing the body can do without the mind.  If you find it difficult to confide in others, seek the help of a professional counsellor. Being heard is good for our mental health, relationships and emotional wellbeing by helping us to become unstuck.

Sandra Ciminelli
Cred. Dip. Couns. (Christian)